After Ten Years

We met after ten years.
Yes…the sole reason behind me living alone. He hasn’t aged a bit I can say. Just the simple dreamy lover I once knew inside out.

I was sitting on the bench in the railway station, waiting for my train to arrive impatiently. My love for trains drew me to keep my vehicle at home and go in the train. Fate? Pretty much a big yes. This particular railway station is full of decaying memories. Memories that I still cherish. As a teenager, I remember holding his hand and running towards the platform.

I was engrossed in my own thoughts when I was interrupted by the form of a familiar figure. I saw him. Yes.. HIM. I was shell-shocked for a moment but shook out of it as soon as possible when he approached me.
“Did I miss the Kandy train?” he asked me with a worried look.
My mouth felt dry but I managed to stammer the words out. “No…I’m waiting for the same train.”
With that he let out a sigh of relief and slumped to the same bench I was sitting on. The butterflies in my stomach started to salsa dance and I was at the brink of throwing up.
The games fate play with me are so intense that I’m pretty sure I will die of a panic attack sooner or later. But one big question… Why didn’t he recognise me? Or was he pretending like I was? Have I changed?
All these questions swirled inside my head like a whirlpool. I deliberately shut my eyes so tight before I broke down into tears.

Ten long years without talking or seeing each other and then this happened. My immobile thoughts started oscillating with him emerging out of the blues…once again dragging me unwillingly through the memory lane. I had so many unanswered questions that I wanted to hurl at him. Above all, i wanted to know why he cut down all connections and left me hanging by a thread. I remember… I still remember how helpless and passive I was…running like a mad woman everywhere searching for a possible way of contacting him. I wanted answers. My heart still weeps at the thought of all the sufferings I underwent with his departure.
I shuddered when he turned to face me. What now?

“Are you very sure that we didn’t miss the train?”
“I’ve been sitting here for an hour now. Relax.”
“How can I relax when the person I was looking for…For ten years…is sitting right next to me, pretending like she doesn’t recognise me?”

Shocked… I looked at him with eyes full of tears. I couldn’t control all these overwhelming feelings. I felt like there was a storm building up inside me, ready to wreck the barriers I have placed to tame me. Everything was a blur. It felt like time stopped to answer those burning questions.

“Why…why? Why did you…” and with that I started to weep my heart out. As usual, he didn’t try to comfort me. He held the belief that one should cry to let out all the pain and interrupting that would disturb their mental state. When I managed to look at him in the eyes, he started to talk.

“You should let me talk now. That’s enough crying now pretty lady…gosh you’re still beautiful,” he said while handing me his handkerchief.
I sniffed at it and surprisingly it had his manly aroma. The aroma of the man I still love.

“You must be hating me for leaving you like that and please…don’t ask me why I did such a thoughtless thing. I regret for leaving a woman like you. I looked for you in every corner of this country, but I eventually gave up because…I deserved that. I deserved what I went through for the past ten years. Forgive me. I know.. I know I’m not a person who should be forgiven but please…”

While he was talking, I was fishing for words. My eyes searched for one particular thing in his right hand. There was no golden ring.
As a man who knew me more than the woman who bore me, he suddenly said, “You won’t find what you are looking for. I didn’t marry.”
“Me neither,” I said.
“Will you forgive me? Or should I keep asking this question for the rest of your life? You have only two options darling.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his silly words. I never expected him to return to me. I never expected to hear from him atleast. I felt something magical and I hadn’t felt like that in ages. My gloomy life was finally lit by the very lamp that I was waiting for to burn bright.
We began chatting away, touching on everything that we missed for the past ten years. We were interrupted by the whistle of the train.
“Come, let’s go, ” he said getting up. I got up and adjusted the pleats of my dress. We walked towards the platform and he held out his hand for me to hold. I looked at him, questioning myself as to why I still trust him after all this. He smiled reassuringly, as if he read my mind once again. Without a second thought, I kept my hand on top of his and he held it tight…this time, maybe, with the intention of never letting go.

-Dilini Samahon ❤️


Musings #40- Anonymous

How our hearts, thoughts and souls compromised to create this indescribable connection that we have. Anonymous, yet satisfactorily in place.

– Dilini 💕

Six months

Six long, dreadful months passed. Six months of looking at the little photograph of yours inside my purse and repenting. Still contemplating on your words of wisdom and realising how true they were. Hey.. Remember the promises we made to each other? I let them rest in peace with you…safe and sound. This little girl of yours is strong enough now…I guess…life’s not the same without you. I miss you. It still hurts…when will this pain ever stop stinging my heart? Who will replace this void in me? Wherever you are, I hope you are contented.

– Dilini 💕

In the loving memory of my superwoman, my mentor, my guide, my eternal love…my grandmother.