Blind

It’s darkness,
The colour I’ve made a home.
I live, I love
I breathe in gloom.
I could feel you,
Caressing my face,
Holding my hand,
Helping me see,
Live through you.
Your words,
Flow in my veins.
Your music,
Soothes my pain.
I recognize every nook,
Every gap,
With a delicate touch,
And yes…
It’s you that I know the best.

-Dilini Samahon✨

Let Me

Now let me…

Love you with my whole heart

I’ll show you why I’m worth

Your mesmerising love

I’ll hold your hand

Through storms and blooms

Quarrels and cuddles

Will never let you down.

I’ll make love to you

Kind, passionate lust

Shivers down, moans up

Sheets gripped tight

Beautiful children we’ll have

Your gleaming brown eyes,

My talkative mouth

Let’s love them to the core

I’ll love your creators

For they seek another child

Not a slanderous in-law.

I’ll make ’em smile

Now let me…

Stay within you

‘Cause forever is a promise

I first make when I love.

.

-Dilini Samahon ❤️✨

Night

It is at night I ponder
And wander into the dark
Where my demons
Embrace me with open arms

It is usually then
That I revisit my graveyard
Of long lost dreams
And broken promises

It gets dark and rather unearthly
And that’s when I seek solace
Under those branches of his.
Heed… it’s then utter peace.

– Dilini Samahon 🌌

Resurrected Self

If the world questions
Why I love you
Through highs and lows
Through thick and thin
And why there’s a twinkle
In my dull, sad eyes
Every time I hear your name
This will tell them why…

You found me in pieces
You picked every part
And oh so delicately
Put them back in place
Gave me hope
Gave me life

And when I said you’ll drown
If you stay with me
In this ocean of sorrow,
You took my hand
Held it tight and said
We’ll learn to swim
Together
Or we’ll drown
That too, together.

And now the world knows
That this resurrected self
Owes you the world.

-Dilini ✨

I Hate Small Talk

I wanna talk about the storms you faced. Talk about those demons that colonized,
The space you loved so much.
The nights you fought with yourself
Battling and blocking deadly thoughts.
About the nights with wet pillows
With sadness and pleasure at times.
Let me know who broke you,
Who put those pieces back.
Don’t stop. Keep going.

Tell me about the rainbows too.
The fusion of colours in the sky at dusk Dewdrops on dainty buds at dawn.
Tell me how Narayan made you cry
How Brown made you wise
How you longed for a Darcy or a Jane
How you got lost in those lanes
Of words spun with pain.

I hate small talk
So pour your heart while we walk.

-Dilini ❣️

Fairytale ❤️

He walked in;
In to my life.
When, where, how;
I still ponder on them
All day, all night long.
A lengthy drive
A peek into minds
A sudden try
And then he’s mine.
He held out his hand;
Confused, yet determined
I held it back
Like a child clinging
Onto dear life.
A fairytale it was
Probably dreaming
Oh, wake up!
Waves crashing underneath
Stars twinkling overhead
Perfect it was, I said
And a question
To which the answer
Of course, was a ‘yes.’

Doubt

“I love you,” he said and paused for awhile. “And when you are in doubt, always remind yourself that I love you.”

Knowing that this would vanish all my doubts, I smiled. The only thought that crossed my mind at that moment was, how on earth did I get so lucky? Protect him at all costs. Love him when in doubt. Love him more than you love yourself…for he is a gem.

After Ten Years

We met after ten years.
Yes…the sole reason behind me living alone. He hasn’t aged a bit I can say. Just the simple dreamy lover I once knew inside out.

I was sitting on the bench in the railway station, waiting for my train to arrive impatiently. My love for trains drew me to keep my vehicle at home and go in the train. Fate? Pretty much a big yes. This particular railway station is full of decaying memories. Memories that I still cherish. As a teenager, I remember holding his hand and running towards the platform.

I was engrossed in my own thoughts when I was interrupted by the form of a familiar figure. I saw him. Yes.. HIM. I was shell-shocked for a moment but shook out of it as soon as possible when he approached me.
“Did I miss the Kandy train?” he asked me with a worried look.
My mouth felt dry but I managed to stammer the words out. “No…I’m waiting for the same train.”
With that he let out a sigh of relief and slumped to the same bench I was sitting on. The butterflies in my stomach started to salsa dance and I was at the brink of throwing up.
The games fate play with me are so intense that I’m pretty sure I will die of a panic attack sooner or later. But one big question… Why didn’t he recognise me? Or was he pretending like I was? Have I changed?
All these questions swirled inside my head like a whirlpool. I deliberately shut my eyes so tight before I broke down into tears.

Ten long years without talking or seeing each other and then this happened. My immobile thoughts started oscillating with him emerging out of the blues…once again dragging me unwillingly through the memory lane. I had so many unanswered questions that I wanted to hurl at him. Above all, i wanted to know why he cut down all connections and left me hanging by a thread. I remember… I still remember how helpless and passive I was…running like a mad woman everywhere searching for a possible way of contacting him. I wanted answers. My heart still weeps at the thought of all the sufferings I underwent with his departure.
I shuddered when he turned to face me. What now?

“Are you very sure that we didn’t miss the train?”
“I’ve been sitting here for an hour now. Relax.”
“How can I relax when the person I was looking for…For ten years…is sitting right next to me, pretending like she doesn’t recognise me?”

Shocked… I looked at him with eyes full of tears. I couldn’t control all these overwhelming feelings. I felt like there was a storm building up inside me, ready to wreck the barriers I have placed to tame me. Everything was a blur. It felt like time stopped to answer those burning questions.

“Why…why? Why did you…” and with that I started to weep my heart out. As usual, he didn’t try to comfort me. He held the belief that one should cry to let out all the pain and interrupting that would disturb their mental state. When I managed to look at him in the eyes, he started to talk.

“You should let me talk now. That’s enough crying now pretty lady…gosh you’re still beautiful,” he said while handing me his handkerchief.
I sniffed at it and surprisingly it had his manly aroma. The aroma of the man I still love.

“You must be hating me for leaving you like that and please…don’t ask me why I did such a thoughtless thing. I regret for leaving a woman like you. I looked for you in every corner of this country, but I eventually gave up because…I deserved that. I deserved what I went through for the past ten years. Forgive me. I know.. I know I’m not a person who should be forgiven but please…”

While he was talking, I was fishing for words. My eyes searched for one particular thing in his right hand. There was no golden ring.
As a man who knew me more than the woman who bore me, he suddenly said, “You won’t find what you are looking for. I didn’t marry.”
“Me neither,” I said.
“Will you forgive me? Or should I keep asking this question for the rest of your life? You have only two options darling.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his silly words. I never expected him to return to me. I never expected to hear from him atleast. I felt something magical and I hadn’t felt like that in ages. My gloomy life was finally lit by the very lamp that I was waiting for to burn bright.
We began chatting away, touching on everything that we missed for the past ten years. We were interrupted by the whistle of the train.
“Come, let’s go, ” he said getting up. I got up and adjusted the pleats of my dress. We walked towards the platform and he held out his hand for me to hold. I looked at him, questioning myself as to why I still trust him after all this. He smiled reassuringly, as if he read my mind once again. Without a second thought, I kept my hand on top of his and he held it tight…this time, maybe, with the intention of never letting go.

-Dilini Samahon ❤️

Six months

Six long, dreadful months passed. Six months of looking at the little photograph of yours inside my purse and repenting. Still contemplating on your words of wisdom and realising how true they were. Hey.. Remember the promises we made to each other? I let them rest in peace with you…safe and sound. This little girl of yours is strong enough now…I guess…life’s not the same without you. I miss you. It still hurts…when will this pain ever stop stinging my heart? Who will replace this void in me? Wherever you are, I hope you are contented.

– Dilini 💕

In the loving memory of my superwoman, my mentor, my guide, my eternal love…my grandmother.

Chosen

He witnessed

The igniting flames

In the caged phoenix

Within her dark soul

.

His fingertips

Caressed the phantom

Of her slithering

Vile beauty

.

He saw nightmares

Through her eyes

Her worse forms

Of fear…to love

.

He stepped back

She was not to be touched

Her darkness

Might hinder his glimmer.

.

Yet love has no bounds

Love has no obstacles

Bravery much

He chose to love.

-Dilini 💕

Musings Day #31- Look

This woman you destroyed will one day silently walk away from your life.

You will look for her in every corner of this world…you will cry every night when you remember how she wept ’cause of you…you will look for her in the places y’all made promises. 👣🍁🌾

And in that way, she will avenge her destruction.

-Dilini 💕

Musings Day #18- Remember

Remember the day when I told you that I feel like a ship caught in a storm? That’s when I realized that I was falling in love with the remaining bits of your goodness.

However, on the very same day, you told me to use a lifebuoy if my ship wrecks by any chance.

Had I listened to you, I wouldn’t have drowned in my own love for you. 🚢🌊

– Dilini 💕

Raising a Girl

“It’s a girl!”

Shouts of joy, never heard

Whispers arouse and swirl

Through the village, like a bird.

The infant’s cry

Softened by mother’s touch

Father’s eyes dry

For he perceived too much.

Marriage, dowry

Waiting a haste

The girl if let free

Will never return chaste.

The damsel’s beauty

Will woo the ‘charmings’

Protecting her, their duty

Deflecting the departing

In-laws’ facades quite dull

“I wanted you to have a son,

To take the family line full

Not a maiden to leave it and be done.”

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Love in a Library

A fantasy, I may call

The heavenly form hovered in

The ‘unknown’ lady

Of my heart; of my wildest dreams

The solitary damsel

Whom I solely plead to keep

A query ‘my’ lady is

Begun to bloom her buds? Or

Withered, yet deceiving?

Myself hypnotized,

Although I seem to be

A stranger in her petite eyes.

Never knew her name but

Her sight soothed my soul

Ah! The glistening beauty in white

If only I could move ’em strands

From her facade

And soul kiss, till we belong.

So fair lady

Like a book in this library

Shall I open a chapter

For you and I?

Flip the pages, my love, but

Will this fantasizing ever stop?